Christmas Joy
by Shin Sankai
Summary: Another Christmas Story. Misao doesn't want to spend another christmas without Aoshi by her side and so she prays along with her daughter for him to come home to them.


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Usual disclaimers apply…

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Christmas Joy

Four years had passed already. Four long years and there had been no sign of Aoshi. I am sitting in my room upstairs. I have not drawn the curtains open to let in the afternoon sun or lit a candle. I do not wish to see my miserable face. I have been so alone, for many years, never being loved. This time of year was always the worst. As a matter of fact I dreaded this time of year. It always made me remember the day Aoshi had left the Aoiya, the day he left me. I sighed and stood up walking out the room. This was not good for me; constantly thinking about the one person whom never saw anything in me except a young child, not until that day. It was all so rushed and yet it was all so beautiful. I walked out into the backyard and sat down on the step watching Misashi playing in the flowers. She was running around giggling happily like a young girl should. She knew no sadness like myself. Her life was full of love and happiness but I knew it lacked something. _Aoshi…her father…_ I bit my lip to stop it from trembling and leaned my head against the post and closed my eyes remembering the day he left.

**** FLASHBACK – 4 YEARS AGO ****

It was just another typical day at the Aoiya for everyone except Aoshi and myself. I had not seen him the whole day. I had woken up late that morning, lying to the others telling them I wasn't feeling too well. I was the only one in the room that morning even though the night before Aoshi had been in there as well. Our feelings for each other had rushed out that night and there was no turning back. I was no longer the little girl he always thought I was and he was no longer my leader or my guardian. That night we had been Misao and Aoshi with no problems just us. Nothing mattered except that moment and it went on for hours. 

That morning I had woken up slightly sore but happier then ever. Aoshi, as he told me to drop the 'sama', had given me a part of him and I in return gave him me. The morning I had woken up to find only myself in the room I wanted to cry thinking it was only a dream until I noticed a rose had been placed on the now cold sleeping area where Aoshi slept last night. I smiled happily thinking nothing could ever get any better then this and nothing would ever go wrong. Little did I know what was going on inside Aoshi. I arose from the bed, dressing in my usual day clothes, and moving downstairs to prepare some lunch and tea for Aoshi. I walked into the kitchen noticing the slight frowns Okon, Omasu and Okina had on their faces. I was about to question them when Aoshi's deep voice came from around the corner wanting to speak to me outside. Not thinking anything was wrong I left and walked out into the front yard noticing Aoshi had his trench coat on even though it was a nice warm day. My heart had shattered into a thousand pieces hearing about him leaving. He had said he needed to be alone, to find himself once again, to be the Aoshi I had always known was inside him. Tears blurred my image of him and I had bent my head sobbing quietly and asked him if it was my fault. He had not spoken as confusion probably raced through his mind about that statement. I had begun blurting out all my questions in one hit not even caring if the others heard. 'Was I not good enough?', 'Am I only a distraction?', 'Was I never able to help you?', 'Did you not like being with me?' and 'Did I do it wrong?' 

I had begun weeping into my hands again by the time those question were yelled at him but I was unable to run to my room heartbroken as I was wrapped up in his embrace. I could feel his hot breath trickle over my ear as though he was speaking to me and yet I could hear nothing. Not a sound registered in my ears as my sobs raked through my entire being. My legs had turned to jelly and yet I never fell as Aoshi held me up and close to him as though not wanting to let go. My mind had whispered one word over and over inside 'why?' and yet he already had spoken his explanation and that wasn't good enough for me. Minutes passed as I could hear the faint sound of the shoji door open and I was soon standing on my own watching Aoshi leave. He was already opening the gate, walked through it and closed it. Once I heard that click I completely lost it running out into the yard yelling for him to come back. Okon and Omasu were right beside me holding me back, knowing all to well I wasn't allowed to follow him, not this time. I had collapsed to the ground as though all my energy had left me. The last thing I remember was trying to reach out for Aoshi wishing for him to turn around and come back, but he kept walking kodachi's in hand while I was picked up and carried back into the Aoiya.

Days past as I sat in my room just staring at the blank wall, never speaking and never eating. I would vomit every morning and Okon and Omasu were becoming extremely worried and had called the town doctor to come and visit. The news was soon known that I was pregnant. A thousand questions came out at once all from the others wanting to know what happened to me, whom it belonged to but I sat emotionless still looking at the wall not saying a word. Out of the corner of my eye I watched as the doctor persuaded the others to leave the room so he may speak to me in private. I had closed my eyes by then trying to will the tears away at this new discovery. It was joyous and heart wrenching at the same time. Two of my dreams had finally been answered. One, which Aoshi had finally seen me as something more then a small child as we finally spent the night together and two, which was this, my child, our child growing inside of me. I could faintly hear the doctor trying to speak to me about what will occur during the nine months of pregnancy and yet I began to cry brokenly as Aoshi was not here. The doctor had spoken for a number of minutes trying to calm me down but he rose from his seated position and left the room. I had curled up on my side and finally opened my eyes noticing a strip of paper lying beside me. It was a warning from the doctor to me, get better or the child will not survive. That was it, the last straw and I stopped crying. I got up and went downstairs to tell the others everything and hoped to become me again.

**** END FLASHBACK ****

"Mama! Mama! Mama!" I jolted a little and opened my eyes watching Misashi running towards me holding a small wooden box, which obviously contained something inside. She stopped at the steps placing it out for me to take. I looked at her confused and she placed on a huge smile and placed the box on the step in front of me and spoke.

"I was playing in the flowers Mama and I tripped over and found this box hidden in the flowers, but I never opened it I promise. Look Mama, it has your name on it!" I looked down noticing she was right and I picked it up and opened the lid looking inside. There was a small package wrapped inside with a note placed on top of it. I looked up noticing Misashi had wandered off going back over to the garden and I opened the letter reading the contents inside.

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Misao-mine,

It is probably evident that you are now reading this letter and you have received this wooden box. I am obviously not around, intending it to be that way for some selfish and unknown reason to you. I would not have explained myself correctly in telling you I was leaving, and probably the day after we had finally become soulmates, become lovers. 

You wonder how old this letter is? Years old, I think I began writing this as soon as I came back to the Aoiya, maybe a year later. You were still with me, seeing me at the temple making sure I was well fed and well rested. I know you would be hurting inside as I have left once again and for a number of years also. I do hope you can forgive me, one day. I just need to take care of some business, some personal matters, which I had left behind years ago, ones that had resurfaced years later and it never helped that you were around. Please do not think me harsh. I was never here to hurt you. My promises were nothing of the kind. I wanted you protected, cared for and loved, never once thinking that's what you wished I could give you. Your father, he wanted you to grow up proper, to be a true woman and not stained with pain or guilt. That is what I have done, I have passed all my inner darkness and guilt and given it to something pure. I never meant to do that and even though your father would not be pleased and this would anger him, I could never feel any regret. 

I shall remember our night together as though it happened only yesterday. I remember the words you spoke to me, how you said you'd always love me through anything and made me promise not to forget. Your wish has been granted, that will stay with me until the day I depart this land, but fear not I have many things to accomplish during life and will not part until they are done. My main thought and promise to you is that you are with me always making me remember what I could have if I return to the Aoiya. I just hope one day you can forgive me for all the pain and anguish I have caused you over the years, your entire life actually. 

I now leave you with one thing to say, one thing that I was too afraid to say the day I left, I love you with all my heart and want you to know that you are mine always and forever. I wanted to tell you a thousand times everyday and yet the words or the moment never seemed right. I fear that one day I will come to a complete halt in my travels finally realising what I have forgotten to bring with me and that's you. I promise Misao-mine that I shall come back. I shall return, please never forget that promise, as it is one I shall never break.

Your Aoshi…

Tears streaked down my cheeks as I shakily opened the wrapping looking at what was inside. I found a beautiful picture of Aoshi as though he were sleeping. His long bangs had been brushed away but a couple of strands still fell over his closed eyes and his usual expressionless face had a small smile etched over his lips. I flipped the picture over reading the small inscription written there: _I am always thinking of you… _I placed a smile on my face although tears still spilled out of my eyes. I looked up watching Misashi racing over as she could feel I was upset. She placed her small hands on my cheeks wiping away my tears and looking up at me with her big blue-green eyes. Her eyes had frowned slightly and she soon pursed her lips as determination was setting in as though she wasn't going to leave without finding out what was happening. She truly was half me and half Aoshi. She was very bright and smart for as young as she was. It was as though spiritually she had picked up on Aoshi's ninja skills without even learning a thing from him or myself. As for her other side she was outspoken, very energetic and always happy, except for now of course. 

"Mama, tell Misashi what's wrong?" I placed her in my lap and brought the photo out and placed it into her small hands. Those bright blue-green eyes just like Aoshi's gazed curiously at me and I spoke looking down at her.

"This is your daddy Misashi."

"Why isn't he here? Is he in heaven with Uncle Hannya, Hyotokko, Beshimi and Shijuksho?" I laughed slightly knowing he was out there somewhere and spoke again. 

"He's away at the moment Misashi, he's been gone a long time but I know he'll be back." I watched a frown replace her smile and she spoke in a quiet voice looking out into the yard.

"Does he not want to be with us Mama?" I turned her around wrapping her in my hug at her slightly confused and hurt little voice at not knowing where her daddy was and why he wasn't here with us.

"If he knew about you Misashi he'd be back in a flash. You were still in my tummy when he left. I didn't even know you were there, not until a doctor came and saw me days later. We had no contact with him and although we sent others to find him, we couldn't. Your daddy is quite the ninja and very skilled. If he didn't wish to be found then he wouldn't be."

"That's 'cause he's the o-ka-shi-ra, right mama?" I whispered affirmatively in her ear and my heart swelled at hearing her slight whisper.

"Mama? If I pray real hard everyday will daddy come back faster?" Tears blurred my vision and I wrapped my baby girl into a snuggled embrace and spoke once again.

"We'll pray together and I know it'll make him come home faster, I promise Misashi, he'll be with us soon." And that's where we sat in silence praying to the gods for my Aoshi and Misashi's daddy to come home.

* * * *

It must be late at night a couple of weeks later as I was becoming restless in my sleep. The nights had become colder as rain was evident to come. Christmas was only a day away and it was hard trying to get Misashi to go to bed. She wanted to stay up and pray the whole night wanting her daddy to come home. I'd pray with her and then stay in the room making sure she was asleep and then leave entering my own room and curling up in my bed and pray some more. 

"Misao…" I groaned hearing my name and opened my eyes blinking numerous times to get them accustomed to the darkness of the room. I looked over to the window finding the moonlight shining in as the curtains had been drawn open and a tall dark figure stood slightly covered by the darkness of the room. My heart sped up in alarm and I wanted to scream but a soft and deep voice spoke again.

"Misao-mine, are you not going to welcome me back." I gasped aloud and stood up running quickly but quietly over to the dark figure but watched it vanish before my eyes. _NO! _I screamed mentally. I had gripped the window seal not wanting to fall over at being so heartbroken once more and looked out into the yard. I squinted slightly noticing a lone figure weaving in and out of the shadows not wanting to be detected. My eyes widened realising it was a man who wore a trench coat and was carrying some kodachi's. _AOSHI!_ I raced out of my room and down the stairs not caring if I woke the others up. I nearly pulled the shoji door off its hinges as I raced into the back yard not even thinking about the coldness of the weather. I raced towards the dark figure standing a couple of feet in front of him and my assumptions were correct. Aoshi was home, he'd finally returned to the Aoiya, he finally returned to me. My heart pounded a mile a minute wanting desperately to know if this was really him and not another illusion, not another dream. I took a tiny step forward and spoke in a shaky small voice.

"A-Aoshi…" 

"Misao-mine…" And at hearing his voice whisper my name I fell forward into his chest crying brokenly and happily at finally realising he was real. My arms wrapped around his waist holding him tight never wanting to let him go. 

"I have missed you so much Misao-mine!" I shivered feeling his hot breath trickle down my neck and he held me possessively tight to him. I could do nothing but weep into his embrace and nod my head in agreement. I gasped gripping him more tightly when I felt him pulling away and spoke pleadingly to him.

"Don't go!" I looked into his blue-green eyes and watched as his hands wiped my tears away just like Misashi had done weeks ago. I was soon given a light kiss and was picked up being cradled against his chest and he walked silently into the household, up the stairs and quietly into my room closing the door behind him with his foot. I was cradled in warmth and sighed happily drifting off to sleep.

* * * *

I mumbled slightly at the pressure being placed on my forehead and snuggled closer into the warmth. I snapped my eyes open when a pair of arms wrapped around me holding me close. I looked up noticing Aoshi was right beside me and watching me sleep. I gasped surprised and wrapped my arms around him holding him close. My Aoshi was here in my room with me. _Not a dream, it was real!_ I had yelled excitedly inside my head. Misashi's prays and mine had been answered. He has finally come home to the both of us.

"I have missed this so much." I spoke my voice cracking slightly and buried my head under his chin wanting to hear the beating of his strong heart. 

"Me too Misao-mine…" And with that we fell blissfully into sleep again.

* * * *

Hours passed as I was sitting outside in the garden with Aoshi sitting next to me. He had spoken about his trips of where he had been and what he had done. He'd gone to see Himura and the others apologising for his behaviour years ago. I giggled hearing Sano's comment on whether he had gone nuts. Aoshi and Himura had ventured of sometimes much to Kaoru's disgust. Aoshi had also revisited the graves where Hannya and the others used to rest in the forest telling them about what was happening at the Aoiya, with himself and about me. Of course he soon realised that they probably would know this already. He was still a little reluctant in telling me why he had left but manly it was breaking his promise to my father, feeling as though he had stained me. I was jolted from my thoughts when I heard the shoji door open and close.

"Mama! Look what I got for you!" My eyes widened as Masashi came running over jumping into my lap and I hadn't even told Aoshi about her. I could feel the tension in his muscles as he was sitting rather close to me. He had held his breath in surprise and shock at seeing this small girl in my lap. She thrust two flowers into my face and I shakily took them placing them on the ground and turned her towards Aoshi. She had black hair that was placed into two small plaits that fell over her shoulders and they glistened in the sun, just like Aoshi's hair. I watched as they both looked silently into each others eyes and Misashi broke away first giggling happily and spoke looking up at me.

"It worked mama! It worked!" She bent over grabbing one of the flowers and stood up walking closer to Aoshi and jumped into his lap wrapping her arms around his neck and spoke into his ear.

"Don't go away again daddy. I missed you soooooo much!" Unshed tears glistened in my eyes as I watched the onslaught of emotions rush through Aoshi. His eyes were wide as though frightened of the small child but then they glistened with tears as he wrapped one arm around his daughter and bent his head succumbing to his emotions.

"My baby…my daughter…" I watched his head lift up and he placed his free hand out cupping my cheek.

"My Misao…Thank you so much…" I crawled forward wrapping my arms around the both of them. This was truly the best gift in the world that I had ever received in my entire life. We were finally a complete family.

"Merry Christmas daddy…" Misashi had spoken quietly to him. I felt him tighten his hold around us and he spoke again.

"I haven't gotten you any gifts."

"You are all we want." Misashi and I had spoken at the same time. We sat back pulling away from Aoshi and I laughed while Misashi giggled. I watched as she jumped up playing around in the garden once again. I was soon cradled against Aoshi's chest as he held me close as we watched our daughter play. She giggled happily and began picking flowers and humming a small tune I had taught her ages ago.

"She's so like you." Aoshi had spoken to me while placing a light kiss in my hair. I closed my eyes still thinking I was going to wake up from this dream. I opened them noticing I was still cradled against him and spoke.

"Mm, but she is you as well. She prayed every night wanting you home. I told her stories about you all the time, you and Hannya and the others. She was only a baby but she knew how much I was hurt inside about you leaving. The little ninja girl even found the box you hid in the garden." I heard him chuckling behind me at hearing this.

"I'm sorry Misao…"

"Don't." I spoke turning around to face him. His face expression was slightly pained at being away for so long and missing out on 3 years of seeing his daughter grow up. I could read the anguish within him as he sat gazing at our daughter. She was squealing happily as a light rain began to fall and I watched a smile spread over Aoshi's lips. He turned his eyes towards mine and I wrapped him up in a hug and spoke once more. 

"It's alright Aoshi, you don't have to be afraid or worried. She won't be our only child, you'll be able to see everything, I promise." He pulled me back looking deeply into my eyes and I was wrapped up in his arms once more and kissed passionately until we ran out of breath. I was still sitting dazed on the ground trying to catch my breath back as I had forgotten about how passionate Aoshi can be. I watched him get up and walk over to where Misashi was and he picked her up and twirled her around in the air. She giggled happily and I soon stood up walking over to the porch to watch my family play in the rain.

"Misao-chan?" I turned around hearing Okina's voice and he hugged me happily at seeing Aoshi and Misashi bond together like a father and daughter should. 

"Everything's perfect Okina, I knew I was blessed by the gods and I knew Aoshi would never leave me. He can't now anyway, he's got a baby to look after. She needs her dad and he needs her too."

"Aa, but there is one thing that still needs to be done Misao." I looked at him confusedly and he grabbed my left hand patting it lightly and I blushed knowing what occurred 4 years ago wasn't really the proper way to go about things. I smiled nodding my head and Okina soon walked back inside leaving the door open for us.

"COME ON YOU TWO! YOU'VE BEEN OUT LONG ENOUGH!" I yelled into the yard and watched the identical pouting occur on both their faces but they moved to the shelter of the house dripping wet. Aoshi placed Misashi on the ground as we heard Okon calling her to go inside and bathe leaving Aoshi and myself to have a moment alone.

"I have decided on what I want for Christmas Aoshi." I had spoken looking up at him with my hands on my hips as though I were still the 16-year-old girl. I watched a corner of his mouth quirk up at seeing this as though remembering what I was like all those years ago. I let out a shuddered breath as he moved closer never breaking his eye contact from me and he soon bent down placing his lips close to mine and whispered against them.

"Oh, and what is it that you want Misao-mine." My face reddened at what I was thinking but I bit my bottom lip stopping myself from saying anything and bent my head and placed my hand around his left one and spoke shyly at him.

"You…as my husband…" I felt his hand under my chin lifting it up so he could look into my deep ocean-blue eyes once more. I found him smiling down at me with happiness and love shining in his eyes and I squealed slightly as he wrapped me up in his embrace getting me soaking wet.

"Your Christmas wish shall be granted Misao-mine…I accept." At that moment I felt all giddy inside and giggled happily at hearing him say this. I guess four years was hell waiting for him but now he was here, we were going to be married, we are going to have more children and this time no one was going anywhere. This time we shall go places together and our children will come as well. No more separations, no more heartache just happiness and more warm Christmases like this one. 

The End.


End file.
